The curse and legacy of millions, if not billions, of generations of life culminate at this single moment with you, or me. We are the product of the very essence of creation itself. The first simple microorganisms 3.5 billion years ago. To better capture that figure it’s 3,500,000,000 years ago. I just recently turned 28 so to put it in perspective life is 125,000,000x older than I am or I am .00000008% as old as life itself. Thus to conceptualize imagine if we stood in line, all of us, every single ancestor we’ve had back to that first primitive organism. The distance that line travels is just unimaginable.
You then have to ask yourself how, with all these ancestors who survived everything from mass extinctions, plagues, famine, being eaten by other blobs of primitive life or even mountain lions, that things like mental illness evolved. What advantage did having messed up neurochemicals confer? I can only fathom it had something to do with evolving our brains to the states they are in today. However, you would think that the intermediary states would have become extinct or vanished overtime. I suppose seeing successive generations carrying forward these flaws or broken receptors only goes to show we’re still evolving. The chemical concoctions that power the electrical grid that is the brain shifting, moving or simply broken because they conduct improperly.
I suppose some would argue that this was a gift from god, or that life itself is a gift from god. That we were made 5,000 years ago and were made perfect. I find it hard to believe that defective wiring or conduits would be “perfection”. That this perfection would entail years and years of internal suffering. I guess that’s the gift of my genes, the gift of time, the gift of evolution. Thus, here I am, without a mouth and having to scream.
The meds, they don’t really help. What are you left to do but silently suffer and go about the routine. To face the day, to continue moving but all the while just hurting or suffering inside. I guess that is the purpose of life, to suffer, to anguish, to live and ultimately die. In an instant, the light goes off and the inevitable course of existence keeps moving forward. One’s memory, just that, a memory or if they propagated then they can pass on the curse that is whatever they carry within themselves, either knowingly or unwittingly.
Here we are…standing on the precipice of change which overlooks the abyss that is life. Where we go from here, how we move, it only goes one way, into the nothingness.
